A Ten Point Scheme for Self-Hindrance! or How to try the Patience of the Lord and your Friends or What to Avoid if you Want to Live with Humans
1. Sulk - this is highly successful and guaranteed to achieve lasting results.
2. Grab - make sure that, always and in every place, you come first.
3. Scowl - there is nothing to smile about, and you should let everyone know it.
4. Assert yourself - it is the very least you owe to yourself.
5. Do not complain, all you have to do is say, "I don't want to be difficult, but..." This will always get the point over.
6. Argue - other people always need enlightenment.
7. Be sentimental - it will prove that you are a beautiful person who thinks with the heart.
8. Pick your food - slimmers must eat, no matter how many people may starve.
9. Worry - this is one of the most genteel and widely accepted methods of avoiding responsibility.
10. Never forget! - keep an ineradicable charge sheet of your neighbour’s failings printed on the inside of your eyelids. And whatever good they may do, do not hold it against them.
Note: this or something like it used to appear on the blackboard in the novitiate, prior to Christmas and Easter...!